Chapter 16: Awkward

Chapter 16

EPOV

As I walked to lunch that Monday, all I could think about was Bella. This morning she had insisted on driving herself, excited to take her new truck to school. Of course I understood but was saddened by the idea that after school I wouldn't be able to drive her home. Man-up! For christsakes Cullen! I berated myself. I kept forgetting that she was my girlfriend now and I didn't need these excuses to see her anymore. Whenever I had wanted I could see her. Granted, it had only been less than twenty-four hours. Maybe I should have waited to ask her out, I thought in light of my current musings, taken her on a few dates first, let her see how the gentlemanly, un-asshole Edward could be. But, she seemed to know, or rather, like me anyways.

There she was, sitting at our table, beating me to lunch as usual. My Bella always looked so beautiful in her aloofness to conforming to the mainstream-teen in Forks. Whenever I looked at her my body reacted the same way: excitement. Taking into account recent events, however, I could not and should not act on these physical impulses for her sake. Being date-rape drugged could do a number on someone's mental well-being, and I didn't want to be the asshole that pushed her into a breakdown. But fuck if it wasn't hard to not want her that way: she was like pure sex to me. I walked right up to her, placing my face next to hers before saying anything. "Hello beautiful. I've missed you today." Even in my limited view, I could see the edges of her mouth tug upwards, filling her face with the smile. It made her even more beautiful, if such a thing were possible.

"Hi," she breathily replied, embarrassment edging at her simple greeting. My Bella, blushing? Fucking Hot! I took my seat next to her and grabbed her hand to hold. It was the simplest thing I could do (at school and in front of others), yet it felt intimate to me. I liked that. "I've missed you too, Edward." Oh Damn! Every time she said my name, I became filled with thoughts of other times she could say my name and the images went straight to my dick. Yeah, I was a typical horny, seventeen year old boy, so shoot me.

"How's your day been going?" I lamely asked. I had no idea what to say; I was trying to keep my raging boner under control.

"Seriously? You're going to ask me that?" She startled me with such a brazen response. Though I should have expected it, Bella always managed to surprise me with her cheeky remarks. "You, who have seen me have to drink to get through a day of school, are going to ask me how my morning of high school is going? Especially when it's before I get to see you? Edward," oh that name again, "I thought you were smarter than that!" She winked. Holy fucking cow! It was hotter than anything I've ever seen: and I've seen a few things in my seventeen years…

"Yeah, sorry. Lame question," I obliged. "Did you hear anything from your dad this morning?" I had to admit that I was pretty fucking anxious to see how everything went.

"No! Ugh, he was gone already when I made it downstairs! I guess it'll have to wait until dinner," she pouted. Usually I hated when girls pouted, it annoyed me more than anything, but when Bella did it, it was pretty fucking cute if I say so myself.

"Bummer."

"What the hell is going on here!" Emmett chastised when he spotted my hands interlinked with Bella's. He, flanked by Rosalie, set his tray down at the table, looking like a grizzly bear. Shit, I thought, I had forgotten to tell Emmett about me liking his sister… I froze. I hadn't been sure how Emmett would react when he found out the truth. I had told Alice, who was thrilled, but I had forgotten to talk to the one person who would possibly kill me… the person I should have talked to: Emmett. I opened my mouth to speak, but was cut off.

"Settle down Emmett! I told you about it this morning!" Bella called, playfully punching her brother's beastly arm. I couldn't make a coherent thought.

Emmett busted into a semi-thunderous peal of laughter. "Dude! You should have seen your face! It was like you got caught with your pants down and your hand on your dick!" He was messing with me? That son of a bitch! I thought. "Chill, Bella. I'm just giving him shit!" he amended.

"Oh you ass!" I retorted. "I nearly pissed myself! I thought that my face was going to be re-arranged behind the school at three o'clock because you caught me holdingyour sister's hand!" I was being honest: the image flashed through my brain when Emmett had used that tone.

"Nah, man it's cool. I figured as much that this shit would happen after I saw you two at the bonfire. But, damn, I didn't know it would happen this fast. You better watch yourself Cullen!" Emmett winked. I felt relieved that now everything was out in the open. Jasper and Alice had joined the table towards the end of Emmett's razzing of me.

"So, has anyone seen the paper this morning?" Jasper asked the table while producing his own folded-up copy of a newspaper. Everyone shook their head no. "Well," he continued, "it seems as though our little friend James has made the front page. Or, rather, his drug bust did." Jasper held our attentions raptly. He proceeded to unfold it and opened the Forks Daily onto its front page. He then read the article on James in a low voice so only our group could hear:

"On the evening of September 13th, after the Police Department of Forks had looked into
its anonymous tip's claim of a major drug scandal, a bust was made at the residence of
James Smith, 18, of Forks. Smith, a local high school senior had, apparently, been suspected
of allegedly dealing drugs to the local teens for several months before the bust and his subsequent
arrest. In his possession at the home of his ownership, the Police allegedly found several pounds
of varying drugs including: marijuana, rohypnol, cocaine, and other amphetamines—
not excluding others substances yet to be disclosed. The tip was received in the early hours of that Sunday
morning. Police Chief Swan has refused to make a comment at this time."

"And then it goes on with facts about James before his arrest," Jasper concluded. Instantly, we all looked to Bella. For me it was to see how she was taking it, for the others—I'm sure—it was mere curiosity. While our hands were still connected, I slowly rubbed large circles on the back of hers with my thumb, trying to be comforting.

"You guys, I'm fine!" Bella, always intuitive, assured us. I had to quietly chuckle at this. Sometimes, Bella beyond amazed me.

"Well, this is only step one of what he's got coming to him!" Emmett thundered, accepting his sister's reassurance of her well-being. Although it may not seem like it to the others, I could see that his acceptance was his way of protecting her. He was shielding her from questions prying to see if she truly was alright.

"I can't wait until he's indicted," Rosalie, always vindictive towards those that deserved it, offered. "I've hated him for years."

"There always was something off about him, wasn't there?" Alice chimed in.

"Well, he had me fooled," said Emmett. Once again, only I could tell that he was protecting Bella from any slander, even though she didn't need the protection.

"Well, now that we're all caught up on the latest gossip," I responded, "let's change the subject." Bella squeezed my hand in thanks, unknown to the rest of our table. Alice, taking the bait, launched into a tale about Jessica throwing up in the corner of our yard, earning laughter from everyone including Bella and myself. Once that tale had finished, and all of our spirits had been raised, Emmett turned to Bella to ask a question.

"So, Izzy, what are you doing after school?"

Bella rolled her eyes, for reasons unknown to me, before responding. "Job hunting. I figured now that I have a truck, I'm going to need a job to pay for its gas… and STOP calling me Izzy!"

Izzy? My stomach curled in on itself. Hearing that name made me nauseated. I couldn't figure-the-fuck-out why but… it sounded startlingly familiar. They went on with their conversation but I heard none of it. Suddenly, it dawned on me and when it did, it hit me like a sack of bricks whooshing the breath right out of me. I felt incredibly nauseated. I stood up and bolted to the bathroom: afraid I was going to be sick. Indeed, I was. I didn't hear them calling my name from the table or them asking me if I was OK. I didn't hear any of it. I felt like such a pussy but it didn't matter. I'd rather run away to vomit than cry in front of someone, anyways. How long I was in the bathroom, I did not know. As I exited, I saw Bella leaning against a row of lockers across from the door to the boy's bathroom. She had her own backpack on and was carrying mine.

"You OK?" She hesitantly asked. Her eyebrows were knitted in apprehension. I could lie to her and say Yeah, I'm just getting a bug or something but I never wanted to do that to her. I had vowed to myself that I would never lie to her, so now wasn't the time to start. Shaking my head, I felt how empty my eyes were as ours connected, but I couldn't put any feeling into them. "Wanna talk about it?"She sweetly asked. About to shake my head no, I knew better than that: she would make me talk anyways because that was Bella.

"So… do you know about my mom?" I asked. Alice previously mentioned to me that she had told Bella a brief outline of our history together. Bella nodded in understanding. "Well, this may sound like a chicken-shit reaction or whatever," and continued, "but, when Emmett called you… Izzy, it reminded me of my dad's name for my mom," pausing, I prepared myself to say the name I hadn't said or consciously thought about since I was five. "He called her Lizzy." Another wave of nausea rolled through me, but I controlled it now that I could recognize it. Before, it had been the pure shock that removed me from the lunch table.

Bella immediately engulfed in me in as big of a hug as her tiny arms could manage. "I'm so sorry, Edward. That must be incredibly painful for you. If it helps, I hate it when he calls me that," she comforted. Hugging her back, I couldn't help but wonder why he had called her that.

"But, your name is Bella," I said into her hair, slightly dumbfounded.

"My real name is Isabella. It's actually what everyone called me before." The meaning was implied, but being in the state I was in, I didn't pick up on it.

"Before what?"

"…The accident." She responded softly.

"Oh…right. Well, I like Bella better," I stated stubbornly.

"You're probably the only one. My mom and Emmett always call me Isabella or… well, the other one," she censored. I could tell that she truly understood and cared. Not many people would consciously sensor themselves to exclude you from pain. "Edward, I don't think it makes you weak for reacting to it." I felt instant relief when she said it; I hadn't realized that she was the only person that I cared about what they thought of me. I leaned away from her embrace, only to see her face as I spoke to her.

"You don't? I feel weak." I replied. Her eyebrows set in a quiet fury when I said that.

"Edward, for fuck's sake, you are not weak! You're human. You feel grief, so sue you! So what if there's a little darkness in you that makes you react to things emotionally. I'm the last person to care!" She forcefully said. "I mean, fuck! What I refer to as my 'dark passenger', made me change my name! Trust me, Edward; I think your strength exudes itself more than the grief you feel, or what you call 'weakness'." Damn, I thought, I had no idea my girl could be so insightful. Well, I had only known her little over a week. Had it only been that long? It felt like I've known her my entire life.

"Thank you," I said, full of meaning.

"For what?" she asked, picking up on it.

"For being you." After I had said that the bell rang. "What's that bell mean?" I asked, not bothering to look at my watch to see the time.

"That it's time for us to go to biology," my Bella replied and winked. My mood instantly perked up with her sexy little wink.