Chapter 14
BPOV
I opened my eyes in a room I had never seen before. It was a bedroom—which I knew because I awoke on a bed—decorated in varying shades of gold. Deciding to look around at my surroundings, I rolled over into a large, warm lump. Shocked, I recovered myself and realized that it was Edward! I closed my eyes and willed myself to remember getting into bed with him. The last thing I remembered was chatting with James by the bonfire while waiting for Edward to return with our drinks… after that, everything was black. Dizziness washed over me, making me nauseated: this feeling, the waking in a place I didn't remember getting to, not remembering the significant events of the night before were making me fucking sick. It was unnerving, a waking nightmare. This was the second time in two months that it happened to me. Overwhelming sadness washed over me, actually bringing me to tears. I couldn't help it; I was becoming irrational with my unknown grief. Sobbing, I started to shake the bed while my head hung in my hands. That's when Edward woke up, concern lacing his discerning stare.
"Bella, oh Bella." He knowingly called and rubbed his hand in large circles on my back. I just couldn't figure out exactly what it was that he knew. "… Bella, I need you to tell me what you remember from last night," he pleaded. I met his eyes, wiping the tears from mine.
"Oh, god. Edward, I'm just being ridiculous. Don't worry about me. I'm sorry. I'm kind of … really fucked-up right now," I tried to make him understand. But the concern didn't go away. I looked deeper into his pain-ridden green eyes. He knew something, I could tell. "Edward… what…is going on?" I asked.
"Bella, I promise to explain everything to you. I will. I just really need you to tell me what you remember from last night. It's… important." I trusted him, truly. I nodded in agreement to his terms and he waited patiently for me to search my drunken memories.
"Uhm… We came back from dinner. There was the singing—which was pretty damn embarrassing—" he lightly laughed as I said that. "We drank, and then danced… then…" Should I admit it? Should I admit that I remembered our kiss? There was a sliver of hope in his eyes; was that what his questions were all about? Fuck! I swallowed my pride and admitted the truth. After all, I had decided that I trusted him. "I remember us kissing. Then we went to get more drinks, I think James was talking to me… and everything kind of fades into blackness." I finished. A small bit of relief colored his still-worried face. My head whirled again as I verbally confirmed what I had been feeling: the darkness within me, again.
Tears welled up in my eyes again and threatened to spill over. I looked at him and in his eyes, I saw the sadness I felt mirrored. Edward looked concerned. I wanted to know what-the-fuck was going on. "So. Tell me, Edward, why do you ask?" One tear betrayed me on my right cheek, which I wiped away before he could see it.
"I have to tell you about something that happened last night. It's not easy to say, and you won't like it. Please remember to stay calm and hear me out. Ok?" His eyes pleaded for me to stay composed as much as his voice did. I nodded lightly, preparing to hear something like Charlie died in some freak fishing accident or something equally, tragically devastating. "Well, first off: Happy Birthday," he said as he quirked his signature half-smile. My stomach did a summersault and I couldn't help but smile a little this. "So… where to begin? Probably where you left off, huh? I went to get you and myself a refresher drink before we were supposed to go off and talk—as you remember—when James came over to talk to you. As I was bringing our drinks over to you, I saw James slip something into your drink… and then you drank it before I could get there, although I was running. You don't remember any of this because… well, it was roofies, Bella. I'm so sorry. I punched that son-of-a-fucking-bitch the second I got to you, after taking away the cup he gave you." My eyes welled up even more than before, tears unconsciously streamed unchecked down my cheeks. Seeing this, his own face contorted in pain. "Bella, I'm so sorry. It's all my fault, I couldn't stop him in time, I—"
"Edward," I cut him off, "it's not your fault: the actions of others. You behaved responsibly, as much as you could, and dealt with what you were given. Although I never condone violence, even when I feel like beating the shit out of someone, I thank you for punching James. He's… a despicable piece of shit. So… what happened next?" I asked. I was surprised that I had gotten all of that out without sobbing once. Edward then explained his crafty plan and the parts that were carried out by my brother, his girlfriend, her twin and his girlfriend. I was thankful that these four, in addition to my brother, had come into my life. I was right when I judged them: they were damn loyal.
After Edward finished, it finally dawned on me what James was planning to do, and the bile in my stomach started rising to my throat, I jumped out of bed: searching for a bathroom. Edward, realizing what I needed, pointed to the ajar door on his west wall, shouting in there! I hadn't realized that he followed me in there as I hunched over his toilet, heaving all-liquid into it. His gentle hands grabbed my hair and held it while I puked my revulsion away. When I had finished, I grabbed a piece of toilet paper and wiped my mouth off, threw it into the toilet and flushed. Standing slowly, I went to the sink, washed my mouth out and my hands and turned around to look at Edward with tear-streaming eyes. I couldn't bring myself to say anything yet, but it seemed like he understood.
"Bella, I am so sorry. You didn't deserve this," he stoically said to me, comforting in a way.
"Thanks," was all I could manage through my sobs. He wrapped his arms around me and held me as I not-so-quietly sobbed all over his t-shirt, soaking it through. Softly, he stroked my hair, which reminded me of my childhood and my mother comforting me after I had skinned a knee. This, however, hurt worse than a bloodied knee. Gently rocking me, he hummed. I wasn't sure if it was a real song, or some random melody he concocted on the spot, but it soothed me none-the-less. We stood like that, him cradling me, and me holding onto him for dear life for who knows how long. As my sobs finally quieted, I decided to confide in him the things I had yet to confide in anyone. I trusted him implicitly now and I felt as though he deserved to know about my oddly-twisted past. I pulled away, ever so slightly from him, though only to see his face as I was still holding onto him.
"Edward, I want to tell you something," I started. He nodded encouragingly, so I continued. "This wasn't the first time I woke up in a place I had never been, while not remembering what happened the night before…" I then went on to tell him about the accident I had never consciously told anyone about. I explained in great detail the very small memories I had from that night and following day. I told him about what the doctors and police officers who reviewed my case had thought. I told him about therapy, earning a few laughs from those few funny moments I had with Dr. Uley. I also told him how I still felt empty inside—that was until, somehow, I had found something to look forward to in him—even unconsciously so. I told him everything my mind could uncover, releasing my pent-up emotions and pained thoughts.
By the time I had finished my horror-tale, we were both sitting on the floor—pretzel style—while he held my hands in his, stroking them softly. The tears had never ceased to quietly fall down my cheeks, but they were full of bittersweet release. I looked up at Edward's passive face once I had no more to tell and sniffed back a few tears. A sad smile appeared on his lips, as he removed one of his hands from our laps and brushed away a few tears from my cheeks. The simple, yet intimate gesture brought a small smile to my own face.
"So, let me get this straight," Edward attempted after a moment of comfortable, pensive silence. "No one in that fucking house that night—not the three other girls sleeping over, the mother, the father, or the brother—knows why you ran screaming from the house, only to end up in the hospital less than an hour later after crashing your car?" He questioned. I nodded mutely. It was true, un-fucking-believably true, but true none-the-less. "Well, someone has got to be lying, Bella."
"Perhaps," I sighed. "I really don't see what I can do about it now, though." I felt defeated, even through the relief I felt at getting this burden off my chest. Having Edward see my darkness and still hold my hand wasnice too. After my last remark, Edward looked pained, and… annoyed?
"Of course there's still something you can do! We can call them: all of them, and hound them for answers!" He replied, forcefully.
"I don't want to talk to them! Don't you think that if they knew something they would have shared it when it happened?"
"Maybe not, Bella. People sometime can act scared or weird in the moment." He clarified, "Maybe time will have helped their memories."
"Well it sure as hell hasn't helped mine!" I laughed darkly. Edward joined-in with his own breathy, forced laugh.
"Maybe you were drugged then too?" Edward asked after a few minutes of silence.
"No, my tox-screen showed nothing," I replied matter-of-factly. "So… now that you know, I don't want to talk about it anymore right now, ok?" Edward nodded, and brought my hand up to his lips as he kissed the top of it, and looked into my eyes.
"I have something else we can talk about," Edward said quietly. Curiosity now held my attention.
"Oh? What's that?" I asked.
"Us."
My eyes widened as my eyebrows shot up into my forehead. I had not been expecting that! "Ok…shoot!" Edward laughed at my response, but it was a mystery to me as to why.
"I see you're going to go about this the difficult way," he chuckled, I quirked an eyebrow questioningly. I was scared, afraid that he'd admit that our kiss as a mistake and wish that it was on the list of things I hadn't remembered from last night. My heart-rate started to pick up a bit. He sighed and decided to continue. "I know we've only known each other for a week, but it really feels longer than that. Bella… I like you." Whoa! Again: definitely not expecting that! My heart was racing now—I could feel it pounding away. I opened my mouth to speak but no words or sounds came out. I cleared my throat and willed myself to have the courage to continue. When it came to declarations like this, I was meek, shy Bella all-the-way.
"I… I like you too, Edward," I managed. I couldn't look him in the eye, I was so nervous. Edward was full out laughing now and I couldn't fathom as to why. This was a serious thing! I never tell my crushes that I like them! My face turned into an unconscious pout as I became frustrated with him. "What—for the love of God—is so flipping funny!"
"You!" He guffawed. "You're tough as nails every day of your life, hiding these secrets, acting like tough-shit, but throw in a little romance—the type of thing normal people deal with day-to-day—and you get all flustered! It's very funny!" He continued to shake with laughter but I couldn't find the humor in it; and I thought I was messed up.
"How is that funny?" I asked, seriously.
"If you saw you as I saw you—the real you—you would think so too," he managed through his laughs, slowly quieting himself. I shook my head and rolled my eyes; the old familiar frustration that had crept in from previous days of being around Edward had settled within my gut and provoked my potty-mouth.
"Ass…" I quietly muttered, not expecting him to hear me. Unfortunately, he did and broke into new rounds of loud, unchecked laughter. My cheeks flushed from the anger I was suddenly feeling. "Not funny Edward!" I yelled.
"You're such an angry little kitten!" He spat, laughing all the more. Seriously, this was getting incredibly ridiculous. I removed my hands from his—angrily folding them across my chest—and was about ready to stand up and walk out of his bathroom, never looking back. I huffed a forced sigh, attempting to calm my frustration-turned anger. He also worked on quieting himself. "Bella, I'm sorry, but this is how you make me feel, all smiles and fucking giggles," he attempted, and I actually understood. Even though the first moment I met him I had decided to hate him, I couldn't stay angry with him for long. He was the only one that could melt the ice in my veins, to a point where I completely forgot about how icy they began.
"Ok, fine. Are you done, though? I'm ready for our conversation—are you?"
"Yes, Bella I'm done. But it may be hard not trying to anger you: you're too damn cute when you're pissed," he admitted. I mentally rolled my eyes yet again. Cut the crap, I thought.
Getting pissed at Edward for laughing at me gave me the courage for this conversation that I previously had lacked. "So, now what?" I hedged, very unlike myself. He unfolded my arms, and once again took my hands into his.
"This may be a bit pre-mature, but Bella… I want to be with you, exclusively." His green eyes pleaded with mine to not freak out. He could have asked me to do anything while looking at me like that and I would have done it: no questions asked. I was entranced, as usual.
"Like, boyfriend-girlfriend?" I clarified. He chuckled and then responded.
"Yes. Like boyfriend-girlfriend. Just you and I, saying 'fuck you world, we can be happy too!' What do you think?" He smiled, and waited for my response.
"Did you just ask me to be your girlfriend?" I asked.
"I did," he said, his smile lightly faltering.
"Well. The only thing I have to say to that is…" I was dragging this out to torture him how he had tortured me by laughing. "… Yes!" I yelled my face alight with happiness—an emotion I wasn't quite used to. His smile returned in full force.
"Oh thank-fucking-God!" He exclaimed as he swept me up into a passionate kiss.
